I will never forget the first time I heard him call her mommy.

My first thought was anger. SHE’S NOT YOUR MOTHER!! THATS MY NAME!! My second thought was pure heartache. I wondered why I was even around at this point. He is now calling another woman mommy and my world was beyond crushed.
My son’s father and I had split up when our son was 9 months old. Newly single, I was having a conversation with an acquaintance one evening over happy hour

Me: So.. do you have any single nice guys to hook me up with?
Him: I do! but Im not sure they want to date someone with a kid.
Me: Um, ok.
Him: I mean, most guys want their own kids.
Me: I’m perfectly capable of having more kids.
Him: No, I mean most guys want just their own kids, not someone else’s.

I went home and cried myself to sleep. How could someone be so heartless? I woke up the next morning, my head being a little more clear of martinis and came to the conclusion; he had all the right in the world to feel the way he did. Accepting someone else’s child into your own life is a decision that you are allowed to make.
When I had first become a single parent I would not tell men I had a 1 year old at home.  I wanted them to get to know me first, and not write me off immediately for being a single mom. Then one day it hit me, why the hell am I not sharing this information? My son is FANTASTIC little person filled with life, light, and more love than I’ve ever seen another human possess. He is who makes me the better person I am today, and anyone to be close to him is very lucky.
My son’s step mother made the decision many years ago to assume the role as his other mother. This is not something she was required to do. This is not something she was required to do well. It never crossed my mind that she may be called Mom one day.  She was just his step mother, not his real mother. She just married my son’s father, that is all. I gave birth to him. I made him! I get the name, Mom.
Cleaning out my sons lunchbox one evening, I found a napkin with smiley face and “I love you” written on it, from her. It literally stopped me in my steps. I sat down and stared at that napkin and thought about loving someone else’s child as your own, and what that meant. How lucky was my son to have so many people that loved him so much.
After much thought and many tears, I came to peace with this new name she was being called. So much in fact, I thanked her for it. I thanked her for stepping up taking such good care of my son when he’s away from me. I thanked her for loving him and protecting him as her own.
And to that acquaintance who turned my newly single heart upside down for a night ~ you are still single and still have no manners. So, good luck with that.

 

You can find more of Sara on Instagram, under @pacoanddaisy
 

2 Responses

  • I have a one year old and no longer with her father as well. That thought…of her calling someone else mom….brings me to my knees. My head understands what you share, how lucky that someone loves your child that much, but my heart still hurts at just the thought. Thank you for sharing your story.

  • This is perfectly lovely and humanizing for both the writer and the stepmother. My ex and I actively co-parent our daughter. I won’t lie and say that it’s always been easy, but the sooner that all of the parties involved come to the understanding that it simply isn’t about them, that it is only about the child, the sooner everyone can make peace. Children can never have too much love!

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