Bare Faced

“You’re born naked. The rest is drag.” 
– RuPaul
Being queer, visibility in the world among straight people (sometimes other queers) is difficult because of how I choose to present myself. People often wrongfully assume that I’m straight. I “come out” regularly in response to questions in regards to who I live with, who I’m dating and now who I’m marrying.

It’s something I struggled with in my early twenties. Hanging out at queer parties where a lot of the girls had the cool edgy cuts and little if any make up. I’ll never forget one particular night at a party in LA. I was hanging out with this girl I had a crush on and her friends. Her friend was talking about a girl that one of their friends had just started dating. She announced that she would never date a girl who wore lipstick. It was a major turn off for her. I’m pretty sure I was wearing Morange from MAC that night. A lipstick that is literally brighter than a glass of oj! Imagine Palm Springs Grandma.

I find a ton of joy in feeling my version of pulled together and that process has always included make up. A dark or bright lip, winged eye liner, or certain eyeshadows that will either make my eyes look more grey or more green. (beat that face!) That night at the party in LA I may have felt insecure about my make up, and I may have contemplated cutting my hair into one of those edgy cuts, but I love make up and I never did cut my hair because that just wasn’t me.

My most favorite part of putting on my make up is my brows. I was robbed of the dark Swiss Italian brows that most of my cousins inherited. I have the skinniest, barely there blonde brows. Deserted island? It’s the one thing I would take with me.

The only time I ever go out on purpose without them is my weekly Monday thrift store hunts. I’m on the job and so focused on what I’m doing there I couldn’t care less about them! So weird, I don’t know how that makes sense, but it does! Oh and for a pool!  I will wipe them off so fast if there is a pool involved!
Any other time I couldn’t live without them.
Find Jessica, moderator of a plus sized body positive site “Ignore the Should” HERE 

1 Response

  • First off, hi Jessica! I’ve seen ‘Ignore the Should’ and I think it and you are beautiful. I find your insights interesting, in that, as a straight & married person I feel I often wear make-up for women! After I had children, putting on make-up was no longer the thing I did every morning thoughtlessly after I showered, I just was pulled in too many different ways and it was something I sacrificed doing. I never really examined why I was wearing make-up before I no longer always had the option to wear it. It seems silly to care about what other women think of you, when you’re straight and married, but really I think that’s why I began to feel so vulnerable without the make-up even though I was just heading to a park full of moms. Maybe before marriage and kids I wore make-up to attract men? I do remember sleeping in my make-up when I was dating my husband, which makes me cringe now. Sometimes I feel jealous of the put-together mother with her make-up and great outfit. It’s difficult to admit, but it’s the truth. Partially because of how she looks, and partially because I assume she must have help, or she’s got something figured out that I don’t…
    Ani Difranco has sung “god help you if you are an ugly girl /course too pretty is also your doom/cause everyone harbors a secret hatred/ for the prettiest girl in the room,” I think at some point in our life we as women can easily be swept up in beauty standards, and how the world has taught us that outside beauty is something of greater value than character, and of course advertisements feed into that- I should value how she looks rather than examine my own character and I how I react to how she looks. They want you to be jealous so that you can somehow purchase the way towards looking like the girl in the ad- like it’s that easy. But if you’ve ever actually felt like the ‘prettiest girl in the room’ it does feel like there are daggers in the eyes of other females. Why the hell do we make it so that we can’t win either way? And why the hell do we want to? I think that’s why I really love Ignore the Should and what it stands for and points out. It’s going to take work that I’m willing to do to break these ‘beauty’ molds, and I’m grateful you are opening the conversation.


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