MA melancholy feeling drapes
settles over my shoulders
and cloaks my chest
like a weighted blanket
like going weeks without
catchingpulling in a full breath.
35 weeks pregnant again—.
My head reminds me of my excitement
while my tired body
breathes heavy and shallow.
This is fear, this feeling.
I am controlled by my breath
constricted like my lungs
shoved up into a caged feelingbroken bone prison.
Displaced within my own parameters.
My ribs an aching, and cracking cage
This is the fear:
I’ve been wrong
about all of it?
Filling the seats at the table,
Planning for memory making,
Hoping for sibling friendships,
Desiring another soft, sweaty body
a second new soul
My fear wonders if I’veHave I made an irreconcilable mistake?.
My fear is constricted lungs in a broken prison.Have I displaced myself?
Did I trade my future for a dream?
But I can float above
look down and See my fear
as something physical.
I can float back and remember
the breath is coming.
When my body will push down
Every cell fighting for our independencedown
Constriction leading to expansion
And joy will break open through my hips—
She will take a first airy breath